It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
