how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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