I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We named our party play list daddy issues
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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