Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
