You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
