I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
