He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
