The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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