I think I am morally bankrupt
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
