apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Boobs are out for the taking
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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