Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
