Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
