My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
