Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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