and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
