I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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