I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
