Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
