what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
