I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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