im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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