how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
