I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
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