Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
