You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
