I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
