If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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