Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
