I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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