Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
