Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
