Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
