Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
