After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
