u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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