Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
