2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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