I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
