This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
