she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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