Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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