nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize