Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
