Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
