I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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