I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
