If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
