As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
