Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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