What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
