I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
