I showed him my bush... on skype.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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