just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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