If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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