Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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