did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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