some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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