The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
