my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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