I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
