Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
