My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
