At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
They took my balls.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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