God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
