oh god the rape fog is back!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
