it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
