In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
