I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm always down for nudity.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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