You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
