been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Randomize
