I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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