There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
