shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Randomize
