I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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