I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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