There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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