His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
