You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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