peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
