sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
