Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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