yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
