im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
