My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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