I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize